"Snow flowers" and the matters of the heart

So its finally happening we start shooting the much hyped and talked about Snow flowers well promoted as the first lesbian feature film in Nepal. I think it was just fate that I had to be part of it although I do say this time and again that it was not intentional. When the script came to me 2 years ago I wasn't sure that I wanted to come into the industry doing a movie that dealt with lesbianism especially because me being one it just seemed so... I don't know weird to just even be part of it. But then again I guess the BIG guy up there once again had different plans for me.

This whole month has been a roller coaster ride for me ... from watching a nepali movie after ages... thanks to premiere passes for the movie "K yo Maya Ho" which my friend very graciously let me have I ended up thinking as one friend of mine put it "K yo Film Ho" I did not even have the patience to sit through the end of the movie and trust me because I am a film maker I know how much goes into making a film and there are hardly any movie that I walk out of but this one did oblige me.

Having said that again I do think that there is a great future for Nepali films and I have been fortunate enough to meet some of the young and really talented film makers here and I can see the change that is going to come about. This is a good time for cinema in Nepal to change and also a good time for me to step in as well.

I am so nervous for Snow Flowers, but I do really pray and hope that this movie will make me proud. I have a lot of faith in my cinematographer so yeah all my bets are on her. This should be a good learning experience for me. I do not know how to do anything else besides movies and just to be able to get to know it better through experienced people is a boon in itself.

So the 30 days that have gone down working real hard and partying harder is about to pay off. No more time for all that nitty gritty and silly stuff of the heart although I will be updating on that soon too but because I am so tired tonight and hopefully tomorrow is not a bandh I will be back on the blog to post more of my life. because you never know what a silly idea may just create.

Its kindda crazy but this is me.

Coming out clean

So, i have always thought about writing a blog and i have given it several tries really i have but then they were just stupid blogs where i wrote under a pseudo name so that i could vent out things that i could not talk about... somehow it did make me feel good but then again it felt the same like i was writing things but no one really read it ... my blog i wish would speak to me but although i read what i wrote again and again it somehow never really helped me.
I think that was because I was not being true to myself. This is going to be a big year for me and this time i have decided to come out clean about everything that i feel without lying or being dishonest about it.
I am a 28year old film director. I never really tried hard to do anything that I did. I love the movies and I love the whole process of making it but am i really any good at it. I don't know. I till now haven't really made anything that anyone can watch... or to be more honest anything that I can say that I am proud of. I have been working on a couple of scripts forever or that is what i like to believe because i know for a fact that i haven't really been able to get past the first 5 pages so I think maybe i should just make short films since I cant get past the 5 pages of my script.
It ain't easy never has been. My mind is filled with so many things. I am a lesbian and single at the moment. Or maybe it is better to say that i have an imaginary relationship going on in my head.
For women in this part of the world it is difficult just be single at this age although i would say that a lot of it is changing i still have lots of friends who are still single but the countdown has already begun. One by one each one is going down the aisle.
I live in a world where women are just supposed to be the new age modern woman that is apparently the strong creative working individual woman but yeah in this sphere no one is gay.
I live among the best of friends who have been there for me like a solid rock and who have stoop by me even though they know I am gay that is partly because they also know that i am absolutely harmless.... he he he
hmm in the dating scene here... it gets really tricky because i get girls who are all straight and then they try to experiment or whatever they call it because they find me exciting probably because they have never really met anyone like me...
I have been in an out of a relationship as many times as one has been to the theater maybe that is a bit too much but i mean i have been in and out of a relationship many times... but who have i dated no one knows except for me and the other person and that is how we do it on this side of the globe. Its the whole don't ask don't tell thing and which now is getting a bit boring because well almost everyone know I am gay anyway I mean i look it... so I am so tired to being that exciting friend to everyone now m on a quest to find that one person who is willing to be in love with me and not afraid to let the world know... Hell even m 28 even i want to settle down and even i want to get married....
So here this is my first blog that I hope will change the world around for me... of course not is that way but yeah first attempt and finally i admit m s struggling INDEPENDENT FILM DIRECTOR and I am a LESBIAN.... coming out clean