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Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Great feeling!!!!!
I woke up today feeling great... a little bit heavy on the head... too much of strong beer mixed with a shot of Vodka tends to do that to you I guess...
anyway I woke up feeling great today... had a smile on my face... didn't realize i slept with my jeans on AGAIN!!!
It funny... umm I talked to my favorite person last night... and I had been wanting to call her for awhile but I don't know I just didn't call her...
I came across a word the other night ... Iridescent... beautiful beautiful word and as soon as I heard the word I looked it up and just one name came to my mind... anyway the point that i am trying to make here is... its funny how things get connected... i found this word i told my someone about it and it google showed this really beautiful butterfly... really beautiful... oh my god m getting random again... but yeah coming back to the point....
What a beautiful beautiful day... I found a song today which obviously i would like to share...
Shoelaces untied
You can dry your eyes
Perfect shadows alive
Behind us
This is the day i make you mine
The way your hair lies
sometimes unrecognized
All the way from these today
on a train
Nothing to say if theres still time
But you are the one
I've been wating for today
And here comes the sun
That's been baiting on today
Lately i've lost my tongue
Today you found the sun
I know not long has grown
Well i thank god u came along
But you are the one
I've been waitng for today
And here comes the sun
That's been baiting on today
You looked right through me
When there was no one else
I sat beside you and became myself
Today... today
You are the one
I've been waiting for today
And here comes the sun t
Thats been baiting on today
anyway I woke up feeling great today... had a smile on my face... didn't realize i slept with my jeans on AGAIN!!!
It funny... umm I talked to my favorite person last night... and I had been wanting to call her for awhile but I don't know I just didn't call her...
I came across a word the other night ... Iridescent... beautiful beautiful word and as soon as I heard the word I looked it up and just one name came to my mind... anyway the point that i am trying to make here is... its funny how things get connected... i found this word i told my someone about it and it google showed this really beautiful butterfly... really beautiful... oh my god m getting random again... but yeah coming back to the point....
What a beautiful beautiful day... I found a song today which obviously i would like to share...
Shoelaces untied
You can dry your eyes
Perfect shadows alive
Behind us
This is the day i make you mine
The way your hair lies
sometimes unrecognized
All the way from these today
on a train
Nothing to say if theres still time
But you are the one
I've been wating for today
And here comes the sun
That's been baiting on today
Lately i've lost my tongue
Today you found the sun
I know not long has grown
Well i thank god u came along
But you are the one
I've been waitng for today
And here comes the sun
That's been baiting on today
You looked right through me
When there was no one else
I sat beside you and became myself
Today... today
You are the one
I've been waiting for today
And here comes the sun t
Thats been baiting on today
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Sunday
so what do you really do on a Sunday when you know that you have no friends to look forward to and you have nothing to do... your day is starting @1 in the afternoon and you feel too lazy to even take a shower....
if you are me in a place like mumbai and have a really good internet connection at home and you are devoid of television... well youtube to your rescue... that is exactly what i did i think i overdosed on youtube today it is true what can you not find on youtube.com its insane i think someday i will find myself as well on youtube.com (and this i mean in a spiritual way am already on youtube.com) , although its not something that i am too proud about.
So, last night in a fit of no alcohol I did stay off alcohol last night although I did try to get hold on some only to realize that it was already past 11 and you cannot order your booze @ home after 11 here in mumbai, although i have to add i have been smart enough to order mine way before hours today :) so i know its going to be a happy night.
yeah so last night in a fit of mad saneness and telling me how great i am I got on my laptop and started writing something... and I thought which was really good and then in that time and moment I realized that I am not that bad after all so I wrote on my phone and hourly reminder (thank god for blackberry"s) that i can get what i want and so today the whole day every hour my phone has been ringing to tell me .... "you can do whatever you want" and which hence led me to start my blog.
And i promise to be heartbreaking-ly honest in my account of life on this blog here on.
so after i overdosed on youtube i realized that i am super hungry so if you are me what do you do I actually went on the net and tried to find the number of joey's pizza ( i had ate my roommate's last piece that was in the fridge a couple of weeks ago in my state of drunkardness as I was trying to help 2 lovers reunite in the middle of the night... that is a whole different story all together) I never even thanked my roomie for the pizza i just stuck the box in the garbage after eating it...
so today i had this serious pang for pizza and i ordered something called the meats which is pizza that has all the meats in the world on top of them and if you are me you will order the large size because you think you can have it... and also the whole idea was i will leave a piece for my roomie... so 30 mins and Rs 475 later i had this huge pizza in my face and i didn't want to eat it anymore... but i still managed 3 pieces and stuffed the rest in the fridge... i dont know what i overdo things i think this is where i get stuck and in trouble all the time because i over do everything....
I overdo work, overdo alcohol, overdo party, over spend... over excited... over depressed when i am over happy and over love... like there is no in-between and if i don't over love... i over unlove... I just hope that i don't over blog...
So then I had to go to this obnoxious meeting where i was meeting with a financier who is interested in my short film that i am trying to make... I met him in a restaurant near my house.... lol... and as i ordered beer btw it was already almost 6:30pm by now so i thought i will have beer and as i ordered beer he asked me " are you nepali ?" and m like yeah and he is like i am from Biratnagar but i m a marwari... what the hell is that supposed to mean... anyway and always like most financiers he claimed to love my idea and is ready to shoot and he was like so who is the girl that we are using in the film...
I was like what.. the story is about children in the slums... like 7 children and one day in their life... and then he is like "I understand but I will get a heroine if i make a big film right?"
Welcome to the world of financiers in Mumbai where they always manage to tell you that they have been duped before in films and no one will talk below 50lacs ask them to shell out 50000 in one time they act like they have chilli stuck up their ass... and yes always the same question will i get the heroine....
What has the world come to... well even I want the heroine... but still I dont go around scratching my balls everywhere (thank god i don't have any but even if i did)
So after 1 pint beer 1hr of narration I came back home to my computer with super fast internet some beer and some frozen pizza beckoning me from the fridge...
It wasn't a bad Sunday after all...
Blink wink....
if you are me in a place like mumbai and have a really good internet connection at home and you are devoid of television... well youtube to your rescue... that is exactly what i did i think i overdosed on youtube today it is true what can you not find on youtube.com its insane i think someday i will find myself as well on youtube.com (and this i mean in a spiritual way am already on youtube.com) , although its not something that i am too proud about.
So, last night in a fit of no alcohol I did stay off alcohol last night although I did try to get hold on some only to realize that it was already past 11 and you cannot order your booze @ home after 11 here in mumbai, although i have to add i have been smart enough to order mine way before hours today :) so i know its going to be a happy night.
yeah so last night in a fit of mad saneness and telling me how great i am I got on my laptop and started writing something... and I thought which was really good and then in that time and moment I realized that I am not that bad after all so I wrote on my phone and hourly reminder (thank god for blackberry"s) that i can get what i want and so today the whole day every hour my phone has been ringing to tell me .... "you can do whatever you want" and which hence led me to start my blog.
And i promise to be heartbreaking-ly honest in my account of life on this blog here on.
so after i overdosed on youtube i realized that i am super hungry so if you are me what do you do I actually went on the net and tried to find the number of joey's pizza ( i had ate my roommate's last piece that was in the fridge a couple of weeks ago in my state of drunkardness as I was trying to help 2 lovers reunite in the middle of the night... that is a whole different story all together) I never even thanked my roomie for the pizza i just stuck the box in the garbage after eating it...
so today i had this serious pang for pizza and i ordered something called the meats which is pizza that has all the meats in the world on top of them and if you are me you will order the large size because you think you can have it... and also the whole idea was i will leave a piece for my roomie... so 30 mins and Rs 475 later i had this huge pizza in my face and i didn't want to eat it anymore... but i still managed 3 pieces and stuffed the rest in the fridge... i dont know what i overdo things i think this is where i get stuck and in trouble all the time because i over do everything....
I overdo work, overdo alcohol, overdo party, over spend... over excited... over depressed when i am over happy and over love... like there is no in-between and if i don't over love... i over unlove... I just hope that i don't over blog...
So then I had to go to this obnoxious meeting where i was meeting with a financier who is interested in my short film that i am trying to make... I met him in a restaurant near my house.... lol... and as i ordered beer btw it was already almost 6:30pm by now so i thought i will have beer and as i ordered beer he asked me " are you nepali ?" and m like yeah and he is like i am from Biratnagar but i m a marwari... what the hell is that supposed to mean... anyway and always like most financiers he claimed to love my idea and is ready to shoot and he was like so who is the girl that we are using in the film...
I was like what.. the story is about children in the slums... like 7 children and one day in their life... and then he is like "I understand but I will get a heroine if i make a big film right?"
Welcome to the world of financiers in Mumbai where they always manage to tell you that they have been duped before in films and no one will talk below 50lacs ask them to shell out 50000 in one time they act like they have chilli stuck up their ass... and yes always the same question will i get the heroine....
What has the world come to... well even I want the heroine... but still I dont go around scratching my balls everywhere (thank god i don't have any but even if i did)
So after 1 pint beer 1hr of narration I came back home to my computer with super fast internet some beer and some frozen pizza beckoning me from the fridge...
It wasn't a bad Sunday after all...
Blink wink....
Coming out clean
So, i have always thought about writing a blog and i have given it several tries really i have but then they were just stupid blogs where i wrote under a pseudo name so that i could vent out things that i could not talk about... somehow it did make me feel good but then again it felt the same like i was writing things but no one really read it ... my blog i wish would speak to me but although i read what i wrote again and again it somehow never really helped me.
I think that was because I was not being true to myself. This is going to be a big year for me and this time i have decided to come out clean about everything that i feel without lying or being dishonest about it.
I am a 28year old film director. I never really tried hard to do anything that I did. I love the movies and I love the whole process of making it but am i really any good at it. I don't know. I till now haven't really made anything that anyone can watch... or to be more honest anything that I can say that I am proud of. I have been working on a couple of scripts forever or that is what i like to believe because i know for a fact that i haven't really been able to get past the first 5 pages so I think maybe i should just make short films since I cant get past the 5 pages of my script.
It ain't easy never has been. My mind is filled with so many things. I am a lesbian and single at the moment. Or maybe it is better to say that i have an imaginary relationship going on in my head.
For women in this part of the world it is difficult just be single at this age although i would say that a lot of it is changing i still have lots of friends who are still single but the countdown has already begun. One by one each one is going down the aisle.
I live in a world where women are just supposed to be the new age modern woman that is apparently the strong creative working individual woman but yeah in this sphere no one is gay.
I live among the best of friends who have been there for me like a solid rock and who have stoop by me even though they know I am gay that is partly because they also know that i am absolutely harmless.... he he he
hmm in the dating scene here... it gets really tricky because i get girls who are all straight and then they try to experiment or whatever they call it because they find me exciting probably because they have never really met anyone like me...
I have been in an out of a relationship as many times as one has been to the theater maybe that is a bit too much but i mean i have been in and out of a relationship many times... but who have i dated no one knows except for me and the other person and that is how we do it on this side of the globe. Its the whole don't ask don't tell thing and which now is getting a bit boring because well almost everyone know I am gay anyway I mean i look it... so I am so tired to being that exciting friend to everyone now m on a quest to find that one person who is willing to be in love with me and not afraid to let the world know... Hell even m 28 even i want to settle down and even i want to get married....
So here this is my first blog that I hope will change the world around for me... of course not is that way but yeah first attempt and finally i admit m s struggling INDEPENDENT FILM DIRECTOR and I am a LESBIAN.... coming out clean
I think that was because I was not being true to myself. This is going to be a big year for me and this time i have decided to come out clean about everything that i feel without lying or being dishonest about it.
I am a 28year old film director. I never really tried hard to do anything that I did. I love the movies and I love the whole process of making it but am i really any good at it. I don't know. I till now haven't really made anything that anyone can watch... or to be more honest anything that I can say that I am proud of. I have been working on a couple of scripts forever or that is what i like to believe because i know for a fact that i haven't really been able to get past the first 5 pages so I think maybe i should just make short films since I cant get past the 5 pages of my script.
It ain't easy never has been. My mind is filled with so many things. I am a lesbian and single at the moment. Or maybe it is better to say that i have an imaginary relationship going on in my head.
For women in this part of the world it is difficult just be single at this age although i would say that a lot of it is changing i still have lots of friends who are still single but the countdown has already begun. One by one each one is going down the aisle.
I live in a world where women are just supposed to be the new age modern woman that is apparently the strong creative working individual woman but yeah in this sphere no one is gay.
I live among the best of friends who have been there for me like a solid rock and who have stoop by me even though they know I am gay that is partly because they also know that i am absolutely harmless.... he he he
hmm in the dating scene here... it gets really tricky because i get girls who are all straight and then they try to experiment or whatever they call it because they find me exciting probably because they have never really met anyone like me...
I have been in an out of a relationship as many times as one has been to the theater maybe that is a bit too much but i mean i have been in and out of a relationship many times... but who have i dated no one knows except for me and the other person and that is how we do it on this side of the globe. Its the whole don't ask don't tell thing and which now is getting a bit boring because well almost everyone know I am gay anyway I mean i look it... so I am so tired to being that exciting friend to everyone now m on a quest to find that one person who is willing to be in love with me and not afraid to let the world know... Hell even m 28 even i want to settle down and even i want to get married....
So here this is my first blog that I hope will change the world around for me... of course not is that way but yeah first attempt and finally i admit m s struggling INDEPENDENT FILM DIRECTOR and I am a LESBIAN.... coming out clean
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