Coming out clean

So, i have always thought about writing a blog and i have given it several tries really i have but then they were just stupid blogs where i wrote under a pseudo name so that i could vent out things that i could not talk about... somehow it did make me feel good but then again it felt the same like i was writing things but no one really read it ... my blog i wish would speak to me but although i read what i wrote again and again it somehow never really helped me.
I think that was because I was not being true to myself. This is going to be a big year for me and this time i have decided to come out clean about everything that i feel without lying or being dishonest about it.
I am a 28year old film director. I never really tried hard to do anything that I did. I love the movies and I love the whole process of making it but am i really any good at it. I don't know. I till now haven't really made anything that anyone can watch... or to be more honest anything that I can say that I am proud of. I have been working on a couple of scripts forever or that is what i like to believe because i know for a fact that i haven't really been able to get past the first 5 pages so I think maybe i should just make short films since I cant get past the 5 pages of my script.
It ain't easy never has been. My mind is filled with so many things. I am a lesbian and single at the moment. Or maybe it is better to say that i have an imaginary relationship going on in my head.
For women in this part of the world it is difficult just be single at this age although i would say that a lot of it is changing i still have lots of friends who are still single but the countdown has already begun. One by one each one is going down the aisle.
I live in a world where women are just supposed to be the new age modern woman that is apparently the strong creative working individual woman but yeah in this sphere no one is gay.
I live among the best of friends who have been there for me like a solid rock and who have stoop by me even though they know I am gay that is partly because they also know that i am absolutely harmless.... he he he
hmm in the dating scene here... it gets really tricky because i get girls who are all straight and then they try to experiment or whatever they call it because they find me exciting probably because they have never really met anyone like me...
I have been in an out of a relationship as many times as one has been to the theater maybe that is a bit too much but i mean i have been in and out of a relationship many times... but who have i dated no one knows except for me and the other person and that is how we do it on this side of the globe. Its the whole don't ask don't tell thing and which now is getting a bit boring because well almost everyone know I am gay anyway I mean i look it... so I am so tired to being that exciting friend to everyone now m on a quest to find that one person who is willing to be in love with me and not afraid to let the world know... Hell even m 28 even i want to settle down and even i want to get married....
So here this is my first blog that I hope will change the world around for me... of course not is that way but yeah first attempt and finally i admit m s struggling INDEPENDENT FILM DIRECTOR and I am a LESBIAN.... coming out clean