Fiction 1

I open my eyes to a new day. A new day without her. I lay awake in a familiar zone with an unfamiliar feeling. The feeling of being without. What should be my next step I don't now.

"I have never really done this alone or be alone without her", I think in my head.

My phone is vibrating beside me,

"who would call me in this early hour I think, cannot be her or could it" I cannot see my phone but I can feel it.

"What a metaphor" I think again.

The phone stops vibrating. I try to shut my eyes tight like it would let the feeling fade away. I open it. The feeling is still there.

As I force myself out of my bed. I feel a thud on the floor. My phone. I pick it up.

"1 missed call"

" I hope its you" I think again.

"Mother" its says now on my display.

"Great! Now I have to call her back... Shit"

This thought seems to linger in my head.

"What did I get up for" I felt dizzy.

"Shower, Yes I need a shower badly"

I walk through my room which looks like it has been hit by a hurricane. Even as I walk through the room with tired and squinted eyes I know I can see even in the the broken pieces that lie on the floor as an aftermath of my "too much drinking habit" just the way she said it. I could feel the painful love that kept us together and apart.

Apart a funny word, apart as in far and a part as in a part of each other. This was not an easy relationship we always knew it but we said we would do it as long as we could. And we did maybe cut short time and again by many things but a very toxic love none the less.

Toxic because we destroyed each other and when that didn't work we almost destroyed ourselves.

This is me and this is my story.