No but on the real side of the story I think I learned so much from life this past month. I do not know why I was going over and over around the same thing to just make me feel more miserable.
I got an email from a friend of mine after she read my blog.. she asked me not to be so sad amd gloomy because most of the changes that we want out life actually depends on us itself... I thought about it and it was true my friend so got married in Darjeeling and that is where all the madness started for me kept telling me all the time that if I wanted the situation in my life to change I had to be the change itself because I cannot let others or circumstances control the whole thing.
I do know for a fact that I am a pleasant person but I just had to learn to be pleasant and happy inside. It not about forgetting or forgiving others but for me it was more to do with forgiving myself and I think I just did and I emerged as a new person almost the same that I was years ago but just better.
I will not deny the fact but yes there was a certain facade that came along with me being me . But finally I think I am in that zone where I can let go of all of that just be myself. I am so blessed to have so many people around me who really do genuinely care about me that I do not know and understand why I was being so shattered trying to get attention from only one..
Its all about ease and the trust and security in yourself. These past couple of days after seeing and testing myself once again I realize that I have not lost all. The only reason why I was so upset and so grim earlier was only because I was not looking at the whole picture I was just so concentrated on one that I almost ruined my relationship with the whole wide world and her itself.
The whole partying scene and the craziness also made me realize how important I am to my friends and family and also to myself. I did everything possible this past couple of days, got drunk like crazy , laughed like crazy, hooked up with 2 girls, made amends with an old friend, didn't go home for days at the stretch, was in the same bed with... got sick to my stomach at a hotel room in Thamel, almost fainted, thought I would die, did a tripple ride on a bike all night in thamel, almost got caught by the police but still survived it all.
I think now I am more clearer on what I want to do in life and how to get about it. I am shedding finally all the luggage that I was carrying earlier from everything that had happened to me before and all that, now my bag is empty and it is time to just fill it with things what are gonna make my life worth while. I do not want to lead a meaningless life. I want to be the one who makes it happen for me.
There is so much energy in me so many new places to explore new places and new people to meet and I am not going to just sit and wait for things to happen to me. I am going to make a move and really make things happen.
Its time to be the person that I was meant to be. Be the friend that I was meant to be. Be the daughter that I was meant to be. Be the lover that I was meant to be. Be the Filmmaker that I was meant to be. Its time to be me.
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