Now all I could her is her telling me how hurt she is because she thought I was her best friend... and so now I ruined everything because I did not go with the flow...
"I did not go with the flow" I think that rather I went too much into the flow now to think that I did something majorly and drastically wrong by telling her that I loved her...
Ahh the matter of the heart... a gay heart none the less... but well I think we were in anyway getting too close for comfort and the gift that I get for confessing my love is being told to stand as far away possible as I could ever possibly from the person that I love because I make her feel uncomfortable...
So uncomfortable that now I cannot be in the same circle because this circle is "her" friends... and the friends oblige... what is the point of having "her" friends to be mine if they cannot call me in the same outing as she is going for the mere fact that she will feel ackward... well no one felt ackward the last time around and nothing has changed atleast not according to me... after my major confession which happened actually on friday night 24th of september and I can still be ok to come to the same party as the does ... now all of a sudden just because I said that I do love her... and its true that I do now I have to take a back seat...
And also its good to know that it was just everyone's idea because actually no one wants me there... well so much for being that friend that everyone wants me to be... I guess I am the one with a guilty conscience who well at least I think has a conscience in the first place... I know that these days everyone has their own shit to deal and I completely respect that... I do not want to be the shit that everyone has to deal with...
I think we can all be happy in out la la land although I was hurt to hear that my so called friends didn't want me there... I went straight from being on somebody's best friends list to on the hate list only because for a change I said the truth... that I fucking wanted to be with you...
I am the one who is gay here not you and when I wake up in the morning beside you kissing you its not normal for me it blurrs the lines... I hate fucking straight people who think they can do anything with you and it should be ok because they are not gay... well you should be doing that to your straight girls as well... For me being gay I still do not wake up next to a friend kissing them on the forehead or anywhere else...
Hypocritical world filled with hypocritical people... My so called friends who do not say anything to my face because they do not want to tell me anything... well to hell with all of that and more... What is so wrong with me saying I love you... and all of a sudden you try to be all sly on me dissing me in front of your man friend who is there... making a fool out of me when all that I did was just plain simple love you... that is all that I did and I wasn't even trying to create a fuss about it...
M sorry if I hurt you by saying that I love you... well I will not anymore... you can keep your share of friends who don't want me... and I will keep my life away from you... its always has been easy for you to leave me... because it almost comes naturally to you don't it...
This time around I am not going to be apologetic about anything because I give up... if you want to really sabotage everything that I have built around you and me... then so be it... I give you back your friends... your love... and your friendship... because I do finally realize that what is not convenient for you is not convenient for anyone... and I refuse to be a part of this fuss...
I am taking all that I know back!! all of it... For you have proved that you do not want a life with me in it... and why would you... you have everything and I mean nothing to you... once again bravo...
you won this round as well...
I feel what I feel and I am who I am... this is me...
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