No more compromising

So, after partying for days at a row... Aditi's Hen's night and then the reception and the freaking awesome after party... it was off to another wild night for Lisa Mukhia's hen night...

And all through this whole commotion I realized so many things like even I want to get married... I put in so much effort for everyone's wedding that I have to get married if nothing just to see what they do for me hehehehe... anyhow... it was good its been a good week... Big guy up there has been good to me so far and also... he made me realize so many things...

Like this time around I am not compromising when it comes to love... there is no point... I also realize that this kind of closeness that I have with this someone is not normal and I should not be the one who should be the one controlling my feelings and being hurt...

My girls have to realize that I am the one who is gay not them so this kind of closeness to me confuses me because i have feelings for you and if you do not have this kind of closeness to your other friends who are girls then what gives you the right to be this close to me... If you are trying to confuse me it has always worked..

After a long thought to this I finally decided to confront my demons and I told my "supposed best friend and soul mate" how I felt about this whole thing and I know that she has a boyfriend and all that but I want you to be mine... all to myself or nothing...

To which my dear friend had to say " I thought we were on the same page and you are my best friend and you are being selfish about this" ok so m selfish about this but hell yeah I am going to be selfish about it because I have had enough of being the nice friend I have feelings and I will say it... now to keep or leave is up to you.. because honestly I have enough friends I have friends who are there for me around the clock and you just being around the way that you do confuses me because I like you way too much and I hate it when people tell me you guys look so happy together and which happens more than it should...

So no more compromising from now on... if you are happy with your man then you should be with him for you, loosing me should come naturally by now... and for me... being your best friend just doesn't work anymore... I want to be more than a friend you have always said that we were "soul mates" but my darling I think you sold your soul... and I can't handle it anymore...

I want you and all of you this time or nothing... I will be more than happy to be acquaintances because with you in the picture my heart just keeps hurting and I am not hurting anymore...

this is how I feel and this is who I am ... this is me...